I've always wanted to add a "0 stars" option to this site. This single DVD has renewed my vigor for such a thing. In fact, I think we're going to do something even better. Instead of zero stars, I'm going to add a separate rating that simply implies "do not buy this under any circumstances, period." This will be the first DVD to be given that review rating once it's implemented.

I can't find a single good thing to say about this product. Actually, I take that back. I've had great fun telling all of my friends about how bad it is. They don't believe me. I show them. Jaws drop. I guess that's worth something.

I should give it a fair chance and go through all of the things a potential buyer might look for in a DVD.

Where do I start? How about production value? It looks like it was shot with cell phone camera in a dorm room. Lighting? Probably a floor lamp from Target. Camera work? Yeah, right. It's constantly in and out of frame and focus... quite a feat for a 30-second clip. Check.

Performance. A young kid that's probably never worked a real gig in his life. Script? Not only is there not a script, it's babble. Poor babble (if such a thing is possible). I've heard more intriguing things from a three year old. Enthusiasm? I've had more fun watching paint dry. Check.

Effect. A pull-tab on a necklace? What does it mean? Is it a metaphor for the struggle of the middle class? Is it meant to be funny? Should I be scared that such things can happen? Help, I think my reality is being called into question! Check.

Method. If you're clueless enough that you don't figure this out by watching the performance, you should buy the DVD. You deserve it. Check.

Explanation. I'll be honest. I had to turn it off before I got to the explanation (not that I needed to watch it).

In conclusion, allow me to comment on some of the copy from the back cover:

"Hard-hitting." It hit me so hard I wanted to puke.

"Leaves them clueless." I'm not sure I'm the one that's clueless here.